Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Can I Take Away Your OCD?

During a recent chat with a fellow OCD-er the thought came to mind and it ended up typed up during the conversation. If I could take away everyones burden of OCD I would, even if it meant that I would have everyone else OCD. I hate to see others suffer.

I think that it is the most heartbreaking when there are children out there with OCD. I was one of them a long time ago and it was such a horrible place to be. I didn't know that it wasn't normal to have what I can call now compulsions, rituals and magical thinking. Apologizing every time I had to use an odd number, including stepping on the odd number stair whether it was at home or school. The constant fear of losing my dad. I am sorry mom but dad was my favourite parent since he never gave me into trouble.

The fear of losing my dad became all too real when he was in the hospital with what thought to be a brain tumour, eventually misdiagnosed as damage from a stroke and then re diagnosed with Alzheimer's. At 7 years old I blamed myself and I tried to tell my mother that it was my fault. I couldn't get the words out to tell her why. Maybe I forgot to do something, maybe I did something that I didn't do and for that reason my dad is ill.

I wish that I had the ability to cure sickness, even if it meant taking years off of my own life. My dad is still alive. I am 24 now and I still have OCD and he still has Alzheimer's. For me, my dad is an inspiration and without the OCD I still have a constant fear of losing him but the OCD likes to make it that much more worse.


  1. This post brought tears to my eyes for; I too was a child with OCD once upon a time and it was a horrible prison house of fear that I lived in.

    My Dad had a heart attack when I was 6 years old and I was with him when he had it. It was so scary and I wondered what to do as I sat there paralyzed with fear watching him have a heart attack.

    Of course with my OCD magical thinking, after he went to the hospital, I had all kinds of ideas about what I "should have done." Superstitious type stuff. I still struggle with superstitious harm avoidance obsessions and compulsions.


  2. This post also made me start to feel the water works coming! I think worrying about losing loved ones is a BIG one with OCD suffers. I know it is for me. And arent you sweet to take on the worlds problems. If only it was possible, but we would all feel to bad to put it all on you!


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