Tuesday, 4 December 2012

This reflection isn't so bad after all. I think.

These last few months have been hectic with all that has been going on and more so in my mind than going out and doing 'stuff' that I should be doing.

It has all been one big reflection and realisation, almost like an eureka moment that I have been waiting and waiting for and the moment I had it was when I went out looking for it and pressured it with my questions. Alright, so that eureka moment was in my head all along.

I have this big goal written out, its set and it is going to get there but only by taking it as it comes each day (even though I am a control freak and will struggle if anything changes, that I will have to change too, well, to keep me sane-r)

I have ignored my blog, mainly having nothing positive to say and without making any visible progress, how could I write anything that wouldn't be me venting. I understand that it is alright and healthy to vent but I don't think that it is healthy and alright for the people around me if I am always venting. I need to vent to myself and ask myself some pretty tough questions and well, I have asked them and I think that I got some answers. They may not be solid answers but its more than what I have had in years.

I know what I want and I think that I know how to work my way into that life I spent all of my living life dreaming of achieving. I think that my blog has a chance to turn around completely with an actual progress. Its going to be a pretty uncomfortable few weeks and my anxiety is going to fight me on everything and I am not prepared for it at all .. I think I will only be prepared for what my anxiety and ocd together can throw at me once I have endured a few weeks of tiring exposure. Oh, and I have a doctors appointment on Friday coming and then another appointment but this time with my psychotherapist next week and I am attempting the appointment without my husband coming along.