Monday, 11 July 2011

Sleep is a wonderful thing - Except at night

I didn't get much sleep last night because I spotted a spider in the bathroom when I was getting ready for bed. I am completely terrified of spiders. I will scream and cry and I will even go in a panic attack over one, I would hate to know what would happen if I spotted two. Nick came in to see what was wrong and he knew the drill. A glass and a piece of paper. Even though I don't like spiders I wont kill them. Well, he wont kill them. In the process the spider lost two legs and I was really upset about it because the spider looked so distressed in the glass. Nick put it outside and insisted that it was walking fine. It is an insect now with only 6 legs and in a few days its legs will grow back. I don't know if that is true about the legs growing back but it made me feel a bit better but not entirely. I hope it is still alive and walking and not hobbling.

I threw back the bed covers several times to check for any more spiders. I had to check my body and clothes for spiders and then I looked under the bed and all around the walls of the bedroom. Then I got up in bed and looked behind the headboard. No spiders that I could see but I kept checking. Nick tried to ban me from checking and complained the he was getting cold every time I lifted the covers to check again and again and again. I didn't sleep so well last night.

I slept in late this morning. Well, no actually. I was up at 7am to iron some of Nicks work clothes, made his lunch and put on a load of laundry to wash and then I collapsed in bed and slept. I vaguely recall him coming in the room to tell me that he was away for work and then I woke up at 11 under the covers. I didn't want to get up but I had to. I had laundry in the machine and apparently the longer you leave it in after it has been washed the more that bacteria will grow on it. I considered to wash it again but I didn't. I hung it up on the clothes horse and shoved it out on the patio. Now I am trying to forget about bacteria on my bedding.

I am trying to be strict with myself on the whole 'resting' thing but it is hard and now I am wondering if my stubbornness on the issue is why I am taking so long to get back on my feet.

I don't sleep much at night and that is probably why I am so tired all of the time. I feel safer during the day but at night when your sleeping, well. It is a dark and scary place and every creak turns into a footstep for me. I get up and peer out the bedroom door and Nick tells me that we aren't getting burgled.


  1. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time right now. I've been getting a lightheaded/dizzy/buzzing thing coming in waves in my head, but not very many times a day and not every day. It kind of scares me. It must be the smallest taste of what you deal with all the time. Have as much mercy on yourself as you would if someone else was in your place (unless you would have no mercy for them, but if you're like me, you give more mercy to others than you give to yourself). I hope you feel better soon and sleep better. Loosing sleep can be a nasty complication for the OCD.

  2. Thanks Abigail :)

    I know that I am my own worst enemy at times and I am just not sure how to get out of that way of thinking. It is not so much of a 'when I start to feel better it will stop' sort of thing, I suppose that it is along the lines of 'today is going to be a better day, and so will tomorrow, and the next and the next and so on' and I need a kick up the backside if I let the negativity consume any more of my life!

  3. Man oh man-- I can totally relate to everything you wrote in this post. Everything from the spiders to not wanting to kill them to the panic the comes from seeing them to the check check checking of every nook and cranney to the worrying about bacteria on clothes sitting in the washing machine. Wow. I feel so comforted knowing I am not alone.

    Lady Delphinium from


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.