Thursday, 14 July 2011

Migraine City - I don't know if it was worth it

I made it out. I did it and I am proud of myself for doing it.

It was very hard and very stressful and it ended up being a painful night.

I am saying painful because very loud music + flashing bright lights + a headache = a full night migraine partnered with no sleep at all. My ocd just loved the whole scenario, especially another night without getting a decent sleep.

We made sure to get a taxi there and a taxi back. Because of the constant dizziness and everything else it just seemed like the best idea. I had to remember to breathe and once I left the house and I found myself having the beginnings of a panic attack when I wasn't careful. It was constant and it was painful.

The typical me of not watching what I am doing because my mind is so occupied by the thoughts and remembering to breathe I hit my knee on the way out of the taxi. Bruising, redness and swelling were the least of my worries. I was convinced that I was going to have a blood clot and by the time I got to bed that night and I would fall asleep I would be dead. I would never wake up again and it was all because I hurt my knee.

I tried my best to not let that thought get to me. I tried to just listen to it and then I tried to rationalize it and in the end I just tried my best to ignore it. Over all I managed to stay for the entire show. My stubbornness came out and I refused to leave even with my knee swelling up. I don't remember much of the show. My mind was everywhere else and even though I was determined to go for it I forgot to enjoy myself while I was there.

My ocd didn't win. Not exactly. It kept me from enjoying myself but it didn't keep me from leaving the house. My bruises didn't kill me, the migraine was one of many and I didn't give in and I didn't go home until it was finished. I stayed in bed for the majority of the next day, unable to get up for long and unable to tolerate the light.

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