Tuesday, 24 January 2012

Good Days, Bad Days - and the never ending cycle of them.

I am back and in much better spirits. It really is a never ending cycle with these sudden mood changes and I am still learning how to identify them for what they are and I know that I shouldn't let them get the better of me and to take the good days slowly and to take the bad days for what they are.

I am in much much pain today because I over did it yesterday with a rare high energy level! A morning of zumba that totally kicked my butt followed by much needed yoga and then a day of pre spring clean cleaning. I am feeling the pain this morning in muscles through out my body that I would never have known existed otherwise and you know what I am going to do about it? I am going to sit back with a pot of tea by my side to constantly re fill my mug, book in hand and rest. I over did it so I must pay the price!

On Friday I had my doctors appointment. I was open and honest about the problems that I had taking my medication and that I did stop them for 2 weeks. I was not in any trouble although my mind played out so many versions of events of my doctor getting very angry with me and giving me a hard time that I was just waiting for it and when she had thanked me for being open and honest I was in shock and awe! I have a brilliant doctor and she has gone through the medication with me countless times and reasurred me beyond her means.

I felt rather pleased with myself after the appointment so I walked down the road to the supermarket and bought a mid day snack of pain au chocolat and a bottle of water for my trip to the library. The trip to the library had me up most of the previous night in an argument with myself about going and not going. Eventually I told myself that I would not go and only then I was able to drift back to sleep but after my appointment I felt able and ready to do it and I didn't look back. The library and grocery store is 2 minutes away from all of those wonderful books and super polite staff and when I walked in I felt anxious, 20 minutes later I felt right at home with a book on a sofa and listening to the play group that was going on in the children's area which made my heart strings tug. That is another story right there. Most days I am ready to have my tubes tied and other days I argue with myself that maybe 1 child one day wouldn't be a mistake. Like I said, another story for another day.

Slowly I am getting there and there are going to be many bad days and today has all of the makings of a bad day if I let it but I am halfway through Sepulchre by Kate Mosse and I refuse to put it down for any longer than it takes to have a sip of tea.


  1. You really outdid yourself! Wow! You definitely deserve a day to just relax and enjoy yourself. You've earned it! : )

  2. Congratulations! I think it's really, really great that you told your doctor the truth about the medication. Every time I've been afraid to tell my psychologist the truth about something, and I finally did it, I never ended up regretting it. I think any decent doctor understands how difficult it is to live with OCD and every day we're just doing the best we can to get through. I still have to make that trip to the library 'cause I said I would do it if you did it. Now it's my turn!

  3. Thank you guys :)

    Sunny, I cannot wait to hear about your trip to the library, so many books to read and enjoy! Don't forget to recommend something my way.

  4. Zumba does kick butt, doesn't it? I like doing Aqua Zumba much better than regular Zumba.

    I'm so glad your doctor is nice!

    You deserve a real treat after all you have done lately!

  5. I noticed that i have high and low energy days, and over time realized that instead of fighting them, to take those low energy days and just read or relax as much as possible. That way, i could get rested without having to be sick to slow me down. Then on the high energy days i'd get my work done. That of course doesn't work as well if you have an out-of-home job where you must perform daily. It is OK, tho to not be 100% all day every day. We are humans, not robots and need downtime to rejuvinate ourselves. Especially since with ocd, our minds are constantly thinking, battling, pushing thru thots we don't want to have. This all takes up energy.

    I'm glad you enjoyed your next trip to the library! Going there after you felt good already was a great idea! This way your associations of the library are good ones and if ocd ever rears its ugly head there, you have a lot of good memories and experiences there already. (and you had some books to read during your resting day)

  6. Maggie, So glad you're feeling better. And I agree with Sunny--I've never regretted being honest with my doctor. It's good he/she knows what's going on with us.

    And I'm glad you made the trip to the library. I love libraries. When I'm surrounded by books, I feel safe. Sounds silly, but books have always been my friends, a comfort to me. And my library growing up was a safe haven for me to explore and learn.

  7. I'm new here.

    I loved your "about me" page. Very insightful.

    I'm very happy that you have a world to escape to....as in, your books.

    OCD is extremely tiring. I know...I've dealt with it for...um....20-ish years or so. But...there is HOPE in manageability.

    Among other things, I've found a HUGE amount of success from taking a simple supplement that helps bypass an extremely important and extremely common genetic variant. The genetic variant is called MTHFR. You can read a bit more about it on my blog...see if the symptoms strike you as familiar. (http://melaniesmethodicalmusings.blogspot.com/p/mthfr.html)

    Anyway...I've enjoyed reading. I'll be back soon.


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