The holidays will take their own toll and that is there gift to me and it is one that I wish that I could re gift but I would feel far too guilty to hand it over to another poor soul!
I am going to just have to accept that as much as I love holidays my anxiety is not keen on the change and I am going to need to start to get into some better habits of dealing with the changes in routines when it comes to the holidays. I need more self discipline. I used to have so much of it that I could have lent some out and I would not have missed it. I am not going to fall into the same trap next year when it comes to the holidays. I will get up the same time each morning, 6:30am and I will go to bed the same time every night 10:30pm and if I want to go to bed earlier, that is alright because I will waste no time in opening up my latest read.
I hate change in routine and yet some how I have changed my routine to the point that my anxiety is at an all time high and the temptation to find a 'safe zone' in some daft place in my flat to curl up into to escape the stress but instead I am going to force back my routine, I know that I would be happy, well, happier to have the routine and with the routine there is no chance of me wasting any precious time that I will not get back. At least with the sleep deprivation I have not wasted much time laying awake. My mind races and I have many thoughts that I think are important and I try so hard to remember but come morning I can only remember bits and pieces of them and they make no sense. However, keeping a notebook and pen beside the bed means that when I have these extraordinary thoughts I can write them down and so I did and they are as irrational as my OCD! They are mind boggling and creative and almost genius.
Alright, well. Nick has made me my breakfast this morning and it is being served. Scrambled eggs, potato scone and toast and the second of many cups of tea for today!