Normally I have it in me to write much much more than this and just like being awake it is a given! But these days I am just so tired and unmotivated and plainly in depression mode that I know that I am wasting precious time and yet I continue doing nothing at all. I just don't know what to do with myself these days!
Just about everything irritates me and it may be because I am not getting enough sleep or because I stopped taking my pills for 2 weeks and now I am back on them but struggling - almost holding a conversation in my head with these little blue and yellow capsules.
And to top it all off I fear having to go to sleep. I cannot sleep and I simply don't want to sleep. I have been having the most frightening and disturbing dreams that I not only scream in them but I am woken up by Nick because I am having a panic attack and this is something that happens more and more. I always wake up with a sore head that later goes forward into a migraine and twice now I have had a bloody nose! The last time that I had a bloody nose was about 5 ..6... maybe 7 years ago!
And to top it all off, with being so moody. I put the tv channel on something that is bound to ruin my day and I sit there and complain and moan about how stupid and pointless and what have you this program and this person is about! If it wont ruin your day let it ruin mine, I seem to bathe in enjoyment out of it for the moment even though it makes me so grumpy!