Wednesday, 11 January 2012

If It Were Possible To Glue My Eyes Opened - That would make it easier to stay awake!

With only a few hours of sleep at most last night I am awake and needing several caffeine filled drinks to keep my eyes opened.
I am determined to stay awake I am determined to stay awake ... I need to stay awake!

If I don't stay awake I will never fall asleep tonight and the cycle will only continue and I just cannot handle this much longer. Come 9pm I am going to have my teeth brushed and the electric blanket switched on and maybe even an hour of t.v in bed if anything decent is on. So I keep telling myself in order to stay awake until then.

Other than this rambling about tiredness and much needed caffeine and blankets I have other things to write about today.

Last night while watching t.v this commercial came on and it has got to be the first commercial I have ever seen that was about mental health/illness and I have to admit that I was in shock. In all fairness it was very unexpected but I think that it was very well done. In case anyone would like to watch it HERE is the link. I think that it is a great start for raising awareness and a simple way to say along the lines 'Listen, mental illness doesn't need to be a taboo, a stigma or any reason to feel uncomfortable around anyone with a mental illness!'
Whenever it comes down to dealing with mental health, not only for ourselves but the general public view it can only go upwards and onwards to a more positive view and it would be great if the stigma would slowly disappear.  Well, that is just how the commercial made me feel - that it was a possibility.

For me it is all about learning how to cope with the good days and the bad days and the really good days and the really bad days. I was very naive when I went in for treatment and what better way to learn just what I wanted out of it. Whenever I went in for treatment I thought and said that the reason behind it was because I wanted my life back and getting my life back turned out to have nothing to do with the treatment. Touching public bathroom items, not washing my hands and being given these set goals for not cleaning this and that for a ridiculous amount of time isn't what I would call getting my life back. The kind of treatment that I went in for turned out to be something that I could not cope with and given the factors I was set up to fail. It wasn't for me but it could be for someone else but the relationship that you build with your therapist is important. Beyond important. It is a must. I wish that on meeting my first and second therapist that I stood up and ran out of that office and fast and never to look back. I feel scarred for life. Someone experimenting their methods on an unsuspecting and helpless victim. It is one thing to learn about OCD from a textbook but when it comes to the reality of a sufferer no textbook with endless pages could ever be filled with enough information on the subject!

My last appointment turned into an hour of emotional abuse from a 'trained professional' and it has left me feeling very bitter towards therapists and treatment but it has also taught me a lesson. OCD cannot be cured and if someone tries to tell you that they can cure your OCD, run, run fast. I regret not doing that myself and I heard the alarm bells and I ignored them. It is a pipe dream, a fantasy and a lovely thought but it is not a reality. It isn't a Hollywood movie where patient seeks help and the help they get is from a stern but insane therapist who is controlling and sets up the patient to fail each and every task by using flooding and the end result is that the patient cries a bit and then grows thicker skin. The patient then completes each and every task and then poof! the OCD is gone to never return again.

Before I risk starting a bitter rant I better log off and sort out the last few days worth of housework. I wish that OCD had its perks, starting with making chores fun.


  1. It sounds like you had a horrible experience with that last therapist. So sorry! You're right. Treatment is not one-size-fits-all. And having a trust in your therapist is imperative. I've had some talk therapists through the years that just were not competent. I felt like I knew more about my disorders than they did.

  2. I loved that video!

    And as far as all the other stuff you said about you know, I agree with you 100%.

  3. Yes, i think i'd have run if my counselor had taken me into a bathroom and made me touch things and not wash up afterwards. Maybe for some it works, but i don't think forcing people to do things even regular folks don't do is a good way to build trust between counselor and client. There are better therapists out there. It's just hard. The counselor i have now went on leave of absence for awhile. I really liked her and wanted her back when she did come back but the upper powers that be said i had to stay with the interim counselor- an occupational therapist. I only was able to see her again when the OT moved and i begged to go back to Suzanne and they finally agreed i could. I too think that a good relationship between a counselor and client is half the battle won already and really wonder why they didn't realize that too. Sometimes i think we clients could educate the system, if they'd listen to us!

    I hope you find a better therapist, if you are looking for one again.


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