Thursday, 9 February 2012

Hello - It has been a while, I hope that you are all well!

Avoidance is such a silly thing when you think about it. Generally it is for some pretty silly reasons why I avoid things but at the time of avoiding you could not tell me just how silly it is without causing me to go into a fit of tears and panic.

I have avoided many things over the last few weeks and one of these things has been my blog. I just had nothing that I could write about that I felt worth anyone reading. It wasn't even a self pity thing and yet I am wondering just how much it is worth being read already. Instead of stopping where I am and deleting another start to another post I am going to keep on writing Got it OCD, I will not stop because this post is also for me!

I have done my usual over the last few weeks. Doctors appointments and another two trips to the library. Another 2 books read and nearly halfway through another. I started to make plans to go a further distance, this time to the Kelvingrove Art Gallery & Museum, one of my favourite places to spend a day and funny enough I have not been there in well over a year. Well, the thought excited me, I found which bus to take and what time to expect the bus to arrive and well, then it happened. The panic set in and I gave myself a migraine over the thought of it all! It made me give up on the thought of it all but today is another day and another thought... although the thoughts come and go as quickly as my cups of tea each and every day but I realise that what I want to do is something that I need to do and must do,  how else will I ever become independent again?

Life doesn't need to be hard or stressful so why can't I take everything as it comes instead of taking everything out of proportion, out of context and turning into things that have not even happened and when given the time to actually think it through realise that the odds of it happening are the odds of my tea canister running out of bags. Yes, it happens sometimes but it isn't so bad when it happens, so as long as I have more to fill it up ... and if I don't then it is a trip to the supermarket and that solves that. All I am saying is, when a problem does appear ... it doesn't have to be overly frustrating to sort out what needs to be sorted, unless of course you have no energy or  motivation and then of course that becomes a problem and like me, you would need more than a kick up the backside!

On a brighter note I have done something daring, exciting and unbelievable! I bought two tickets for my husband and I to see the comedian Jon Richardson in Glasgow this March and you just would not believe how excited I have been and not a panic attack over it as of yet. I have it marked on the calendar and it is a positive thing to spot on a bad day, that there will be a night in March that I am bursting with laughter because over all, he cracks me up and has got to be one of my favourite comedians, but it is hard to beat Billy Connolly, and it is also very hard to get tickets to one of his gigs!

I may go out today. It is not even mid day yet and the library doesn't open until 12pm. I have 2 books that I could return and a good hour or so of browsing that I would very much enjoy ... but getting out is still some what of a problem. I have been trying since Monday to return to the library, even as far as getting my shoes out just not on. Key in the door sort of ready and yet here I am. Complete and utter madness!


  1. Hi, Maggie--So good to hear from you! I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated, but it sounds like you have been taking some positive steps with trips to the library and plans for an exciting show.

    I get very frustrated with myself too. I have to remind myself quite often that baby steps do count and that eventually I will do more and feel better.

    I've just started cognitive behavior therapy, so I hope that will be a good motivator for me.

    I love reading your blog! I love how you word things and I love your wry sense of humor. I'll look forward to reading whenever you feel like writing.

  2. Dear Maggie,

    Never doubt it... you've always got something worthwhile to say :-)

    I love how you said: "although the thoughts come and go as quickly as my cups of tea each and every day".... I was actually just thinking something along those lines, for I'm catching up in blogland this morning and I'm on my second great big mug of tea and my fourth re-heat of the tea.

    Good for you for keeping on going out to doctor appointments and the library. That is HUGE and perhaps enough for you for now. I mean it really is huge. Perhaps one day you'll be ready to add more activity and outings... in fact, I know you will someday.

    I'm glad you've given yourself something to look forward to in March-- a night out with the hub!


  3. Keep on working. As long as you are going in the right direction, a pause in the journey is just that, a pause. When you're 'rested', take a breath and go forward again.

    You may want to try: think about going to the museum and feel the fear and anxiety a few times a day for a few days before you actually want to go there. This works for me in lowering my anxiety level BEFORE the actual event, so when the event comes, it's not so scary. I've already felt the fear and had the experience of having the anxiety lower itself.

    Pat yourself on the back for all the times you've already gone out and done something. Sometimes we forget the 'wins' we've already had because we're so focused on the next item on the list of things to overcome. Be proud of yourself for how far you've come.

  4. Hi Maggie. I'm glad you decided to post. Don't listen to your OCD - maybe it's just jealous of your writing talent! ha ha Seriously, I'm glad you didn't give in and you decided to post anyway. I also think it's great that you've been to the library 2 more times. I've been out of town recently, but I'm definitely going to the library this week. You've already beat me by several trips. Looks like you win this one!

  5. I just love each and every one of you and your comments!

    It is just so easy to get worked up into a state of fustration and it is so hard to remember baby steps and what we do actually achieve. Sometimes I just think that a kick up my backside will put me right but I much prefer every helpful word that has been said to me along the way.

    Sunny, you have got to get yourself down to the library :) You will be missing out big time if you don't, it is such a lovely place! Once you go you will surely be as addicted as I am.


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