Tuesday, 11 October 2011

No Shirt, No Shoes, No Socks, No Service

I don't know whether it is down to my OCD or my depression or something else all together but I constantly feel guilty for anything that I may enjoy. Buying clothes for an example is a struggle. Between my own body issues and feeling completely undeserving of something nice and new I end up not only leaving the shops empty handed with despair written all over my face but I never actually make it to the shops at all.

The few times that I have made it to the shops my husband always argues that if I like it that I should have it and even though part of me wants it I would rather put it back on the rack and leave it since I can't justify spending that £13 on that top or that £20 pair of shoes. Instead of me spending money on these two things my husband instead argues that hes buying it because he can justify the purchase. I have these two items and it has been weeks since the purchase. The top I have worn twice. Twice I have felt guilt with it on and every time I see it hanging up in my closet I think about how lovely it is but within seconds I go back to feeling like money could of and should have been better spent on someone else. As for the shoes I am still to wear them. They aren't my typical converse shoes, these have heels. They made me feel good when I tried them on in the shop but every time I tried them on in the house, attempting to break them in I quickly take them off and put them back in the box.

It bothers me to the extent of tears of these purchases. I don't understand why I should feel guilty but I just do. I hardly spend money on anything except for bills and the food shop and I don't think twice about spending money on anyone else, as long as it isn't on myself.


  1. I'm sorry. I hope that you can eventually enjoy wearing your shoes and shirt. I have some trouble buying things, but not as much.

    Abigail from www.unreasonablyrational.blogspot.com (I have to comment as anonymous; I don't know why)

  2. I have this too. My body image issues trick me into thinking I don't deserve to buy myself pretty new things and then if I do, I feel guilty because I don't think I deserve them.

  3. Its hard to decide whether you buy it or not because of too much thinking for anything else aside from foods there are also came from your mind that your expenses is more important than the others.


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