I don't know whether it is down to my OCD or my depression or something else all together but I constantly feel guilty for anything that I may enjoy. Buying clothes for an example is a struggle. Between my own body issues and feeling completely undeserving of something nice and new I end up not only leaving the shops empty handed with despair written all over my face but I never actually make it to the shops at all.
The few times that I have made it to the shops my husband always argues that if I like it that I should have it and even though part of me wants it I would rather put it back on the rack and leave it since I can't justify spending that £13 on that top or that £20 pair of shoes. Instead of me spending money on these two things my husband instead argues that hes buying it because he can justify the purchase. I have these two items and it has been weeks since the purchase. The top I have worn twice. Twice I have felt guilt with it on and every time I see it hanging up in my closet I think about how lovely it is but within seconds I go back to feeling like money could of and should have been better spent on someone else. As for the shoes I am still to wear them. They aren't my typical converse shoes, these have heels. They made me feel good when I tried them on in the shop but every time I tried them on in the house, attempting to break them in I quickly take them off and put them back in the box.
It bothers me to the extent of tears of these purchases. I don't understand why I should feel guilty but I just do. I hardly spend money on anything except for bills and the food shop and I don't think twice about spending money on anyone else, as long as it isn't on myself.