Sometimes I am just not sure what to say in my blog, so those days I tend to not write. If I do write it ends up a rambling dribble and it goes straight to drafts and I forget about them until I look through older posts. I am still to look through older posts that have not been posted, maybe there is some sense to what I wrote but it might need to be spruced up a bit.
Anyways. I do have something to say in this post. It was my last post that made me think about the subject of travel. It can be difficult to travel with your ocd. Travelling with your ocd is like going on holiday with your enemy, that or a friend who turns out to be beyond difficult and ruins the entire trip. It can be hellish but somehow I managed to travel to Scotland several times before I made the move over and 5 years later I am a resident and soon be be citizen. Not one regret but I would regret it if I never tried.
I had a determination to spend my life with who is now my husband and with myself living in Canada and he was an ocean away. The years of distance and visiting each other on average twice a year was just not enough, we always wanted and needed more time but there was always a flight to catch and it was emotional torture and if I didn't get on that plane and fly over I wouldn't have been able to see my love. I know 'my love' sounds cheesy to some, but to explain what I believe love is, for me anyways is that person. He is my love. My soul mate, my reason for being, my inspiration. If I go on writing about him I will never finish what I started to write about.
If I let my ocd win I would have missed out on what are memories are now. I struggled with my ocd, especially every time we were on a plane travelling across the ocean and every time we had to leave each other. Every 'what if' was a nightmare that in my mind would end in death. Maybe I can't take my relationship for granted because of my ocd? I don't think that relationships should be taken for granted but that should be my own decision, not my ocd side of the decision.
I have had many amazing experiences. Slowly I have travelled and I think that the next few sets of post I will write about the places we have been. Sometimes I couldn't get out of the hotel room and most days I had to rush back to the room but there were a few hours here and there that I really did enjoy myself and it was when I wasn't trying to enjoy myself that it just happened on its own.