Thursday, 26 April 2012

It Is All Coming Along Nicely -Except for the main character, she is going through a hellish experience!

Alright. Slowly I am making progress with this book.
It is a long process and it is slightly painful when I indulge in writing about my own experiences and left watching this made up character going through what I go through and now I feel like a sadist, putting her through so much more than I and then exaggerated a hell of a lot. Some things that I have been writing has made me feel a tad sick to my stomach, I am not sure how well it will go down with readers.

But, thankfully I have people who are more than happy to read what I am writing and willing to be honest about what they think of it. I have to admit that my paranoia about people stealing my ideas has left me feeling well, paranoid about letting people read my work .. but there are a couple people that I am more than happy to let in on what is in these pages and I trust them completely, such a relief!

As for the word count, I don't know yet what my goal will be if any. Why drag out what could already be a good story just to fill some extra pages? Some of the best books that I have read aren't the 60,000 words and then some, count. You could have 50,000 meaningless words or 20,000 really good words .. I suppose the story will tell itself, no deadline, no rush .. it will be done when its done .. but here's hoping that working each and every day on it, it will soon be finished .. and then I will have a wee break with a cup of tea and start on the next book that I have in mind .. well, there are 2 other books that I already have in mind and they are already screaming out to me, 'WRITE ME, WRITE ME!'

Monday, 16 April 2012

Who Needs Drugs - Not me, but I should try to take my prescribed stuff more often

I could be bitter. I have what seems to be a sinus infection that has teamed up with my OCD and they are trying to make my life hell. *Trying* Everyone gets sick, everyone, so I keep telling myself! It just happens that the day last week that I willingly left the flat to go to the library and meet Nick off of the train and got a few messages just happened to be when my throat felt roughly dry and I started to sniffle. No sooner than my return home it was in full force and I should have stockpiled tissues.

Now, I can handle a migraine, what I can't handle is the common cold! I have resorted to taking cold and flu tablets but because of that I just cannot feel comfortable with taking my Fluoxetine, as if taking a couple flu tablets and my prescription tablets will make a deadly cocktail. As if, but my OCD is telling me otherwise and I just cannot risk it.

So, 3 days or so without my Fluoxetine hasn't been entirely bad. I have been so caught up with being tired and struggling for breath that my very own symptoms of madness barely get through to me, that or I am just too tired to give it any attention but just wait until I am on the mend, I will be forced to give it my full attention and I am sure that it will threaten me like it has never threatened me before.

Although .. and this is where I need to be somewhat serious. I don't think it is because I have been off of my Fluoxetine for 3 days that I am experiencing hallucinations. I have been experiencing these hallucinations for many many years. Since my early teen years to be quite honest! It is nothing new but new for me to speak to the professionals so bluntly about it. I know maybe 90% of the time what is real and what isn't and when I am so certain is real to be told its not only leaves me in a state of confusion and then I just get on with things. This morning I knew that the giant crow standing in the bedroom wearing a pirate costume and laughing while the walls closed in around me were just a hallucination. I shut my eyes, I looked away I looked back and it was still there for a little while. After looking away a few more times it must have got the hint and flew back to its ship. Afterwards I joked with Nick, who needs drugs, all you need is an illness of the mind and you are set up for life with laughs and the most random things that you will ever see in your life, and all for free and no ill effects ..other than losing your mind - of course!

Oh, and an update on my writing a book, I am still slowly getting there but with every pause to blow my nose and wash my hands has taken up more time than I would have liked. I have barely wrote a thing all weekend but I have been keeping track of all my ideas. I more of less have the middle written out in my head but I need the beginning and and ending still .. and I need to put it where others can read it .. since people aren't really mind readers ...

Thursday, 12 April 2012

The Mood Changes - Oh how it changes!

Alright, I think that my lack of energy along with losing love for everything is slowly passing. I can't help but tuck myself away from the world whenever my mood changes to the ultimate lows, if anything I feel safer and more comfortable away from the world during those times but I also feel that I keep the ones I care about safer if I keep them at a distance from my depressed state!

I wish that I could say that I have done lots and lots after my night out in the town to see that comedy gig but in all fairness it was rather tiring afterwards and it really did have that knock on effect and did I ever sleep and was I ever tired afterwards still. I felt like I could take on anything after such an achievement, adrenalin is such a liar.

I have been spending most of my time reading and longing to write something of my own and I think that I have my idea for a book. Each and every part of writing something is scary, the beginning, middle, and ending not to mention the plot and how I lose my own plot most of the time so how in the world can I keep a made up plot??! Well, I just keep all of my scrap paper around and a pen at all times and when I think of something I write it down, if I don't write it down I will forget it instantly. If anything, the idea of writing a book has cheered me up in the past and at the moment it is cheering me up just by putting it into, or on paper for that matter!

I will need to get back to writing a different kind of writing, a different way of thinking and a whole different kind of escape!