There has been days that have gone past without me even having the chance to live them how I would have liked to. Not that I am being a whine arse but I am just left sitting here thinking to myself 'Why am I letting this happen?'
Shouldn't we cherish each day instead of moping around with thoughts of harm and sometimes suicide. I am sure that life wouldn't be at all dull without the added negativity.
I am somewhat down more so these last few days after my regular doctors appointment. I thought that I was ready to go back to work after the new year but the professionals are doubting it. I went through trying to accept it and then I became very upset and then very angry and now, well, now I feel numb. How can I visit my blog as often as I once had whenever I cannot even do something new and exciting that I would feel happy to write about and share.
I have been thinking a lot about where I am in life and where I would have liked to have been by now and how I plan on getting there eventually. I think a possible career change is something that I need, besides, I truly hated my job at the cafe since day one. Stressful, tiring, having to pick up everyone elses slack and listening to customer complaints and colleague's talking behind each others back while smiling at each other and chatting away as if everything is just honky dory. This job is going nowhere and it was only a temporary thing that became a bit more permanent than I would have liked. So on a brighter note as I finish typing out these thoughts, I think that my recovery plan should include a career plan, how else can I start a family someday if I cannot even take care of myself, let alone be the kind of mother that I would love to be. Yes, I think this is called 'baby fever' and I have got it terribly these days. I never thought that I would but I do, but it doesn't mean that I am just going to rush about to get pregnant, no no, I need to take care of me first before I can take care of a little one.
Goals to achieve the things I want in the future,
-Get my driving licence
-Go back to work - full time - in a job that I want and love and will at least have the opportunity to further my career.
-Go to night school and finish what I started 7 years ago.
-Go out at least once a week into the busy city centre on my own, terrifying now but maybe I can enjoy it through time.
-Go back to routine exercise, shed the added weight and tone up, I need a healthy body as well as a healthy mind to start a family.
I think now my blog and life has slowly turned a corner and now I can keep up with my goals, or well, at least try my hardest to keep up with these goals. I want at least 5 years from now to achieve what I want before starting a family, it is just now in my life that I am desperate to be a mum.