So I seem to be back in my old ways once again, well sort of, and by back I mean I never left.
I had an appointment with a new psychologist just last Friday. Not sure exactly how well it went or if it went well at all. Not too crazy on the idea of seeing another psychologist, at this point I am far too wary of this people and even more so when she suggested that I should have my dose of fluoextine increased. Bah humbug! I don't even want to be on this medication in the first place and that is just what I said but as always they try to push around the subject and in the end they all seem to think drugs is the answer to all, well if that is the case then just give me the fun drugs instead of this boring pill form.
Ah, who am I kidding, even then I would refuse to put anything else into my body other than the many daily cups of tea and a couple of meals each day.
I can live with the crazy symptoms of OCD and I will just need to and I understand that and that there is no actual way around it and even with the help of CBT all I will do in the long run is piss off Mr OCD into giving me panic attacks each and every time I jab it with a stick and tell it No!
What I want more than anything is to just leave the house and be okay with it. I don't care anymore about the hand washing and the checking and the rest of the mundane bull. I just want outside! So then I wonder why is it they all insist on the medication and the CBT. Just strap me onto the back of a bus and drive it away.
I don't know if I am just past caring and if I seemed just that way during the appointment. More than once I left Ms Therapist speechless and the man sitting in on the appointment dumbfounded, or at least looking that way when I glanced over after answering her majs questions. Okay, now I am just getting a little too sarcastic for my own good but how can I help it when they all ask me what I want out of this and all that I can do is shrug my shoulders and tell them that I didn't come here out of my own choice or even ask to and that it was my gp that contacted them out of legal obligation.
Maybe I am just unlucky when it comes to meeting psychologists or maybe they are just unlucky when it comes to them meeting me.
It has always taken me a while when I found a therapist. Which sucks because the explaining over again is the worst. On the other hand I have seen doctors who don't talk at all and just prescribe. Weird. Good luck!
ReplyDeletePersonally, I have found some perverse amusement in leaving mental health professionals speechless or sputtering about how, according to their theory, I should not be thinking what I am. I'm sorry you had such a tough visit, though.
ReplyDeleteI hope things get better enough that you can go out of the house again
Hey Shannon,
ReplyDeleteI think the only good thing about seeing so many therapist is the chance to decide which ones suit you and your needs. I have a friend who suggested that I look at it as if I am interviewing them for the job of treating me and I have to admit that looking at it that way made this appointment a bit easier .. but prescribing medication to me is a waste of time, I don't want to be on it so why would I up my dose from 20mg for 40mg .. idiots the lot of them!
Abigail, I have too found the perverse amusement in leaving these professionals speechless and sputtering out their theories .. which are useless, or so I think they are whenever it is the ones who think that they can cure OCD .. I am sure that some mean well but it is hard to find one that actually knows what they are doing .. I should begin the sessions with 'I am a human NOT a guinea pig .. and also, I am against testing on animals ...'
What can I say.... it's all so overwhelming, isn't it?
ReplyDeletePoint is to be positive and stay positive. From that comes other good things in our life.
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