Lately I find it hard to do anything, even the things that I so desperately want to do and now I am trying to put my foot down. I love my blog, I love to write and why should I stop just because I am feeling sorry for myself!
Not that I was intending to stop but if anything my lack of energy and motivation kept my computer from being switched on.
I had a wonderful weekend and even the Monday wasn't so bad. It had been very tiring but I want to share.
My husband and I went out on Saturday night. I had bought the tickets months ago with much much anticipation to see Jon Richardson. I absolutely adore the man and the anticipation throughout Saturday gave me a tummy ache! Not only did we get to see him live but we somehow managed front row centre seats. Yes, I know with being front row there is a chance of being put into the situation of being spoken to during the show and that didn't happen. Not really.
This is how it went - The woman beside me got up to use the loo .. and I was already bursting, with having too many drinks before the show .. the trip to the pub before the venue clearly did me no favours. It was pointed out that she had left for the toilet and the fear had begun that if I were to leave he would too make the face and I would be singled out but in a funny kind of way. Well. I could not wait, I was bursting. Before she even came back I was off and out of the corner of my eye I saw the look on his face and I laughed out loud and shouted to him 'Just 2 minutes' and holding up 2 fingers (in a polite way of course!) 'Just wait, I will be just 2 minutes!' My face was red through complete embarrassment and somehow I put on a smile and laughed and joked and somehow made it to the loo and back in those 2 minutes, or so I hoped!
After the show was finished I was gutted, it was so great that I hardly wanted it to end! I asked my husband if we could wait outside in hopes of catching him on his way out. So badly did I want to meet him and to tell him not to give up on love and to hopefully if he didn't mind, to sign a copy of his book that I took with my just in case.
The place was cleared out and no one was out there afterwards to my surprise! A Saturday night standing around in Glasgow isn't my idea of safe or fun but somehow I had some determination to say and mean it, 10 minutes. Well, he did come out and I spoke to him and he was lovely and so so nice and although it was a quick chat he had signed my book and my husband snapped a photo of us. An experience that had really had an impact on my low and horrible moods! He is such an inspiration, one who I do actually look up to and to meet such an inspiration had given me even an ounce of hope and determination!
As for the Sunday, well. It was a day of rest and with a hangover it was a much needed rest but as I was feeling so great my husband and I went out for a walk early morning along the canal and then during the evening we took a drive and walked along the reservoir that was just a short drive away.
I slept well that night!
As for Monday - oh this is becoming a long updated post!
I had an appointment, with being off of work for so long because of the OCD it was a mandatory thing. I was horrified but my husband took the morning off of work so he could take me there and be there for me. If he was not there I don't think that I could have managed it. The questions felt like an interrogation and I struggled to answer some and when it came down to the self harm I was honest about it, but when asked what I had done I became so upset I had to refuse to answer and the man, he was very nice about it.
After the appointment was over and done with Nick took me out for breakfast and I was to try to stay in city centre for the few hours until he was done work. I did try but as we said our goodbyes outside of his workplace we spotted two men running off with an armful of goods from one of the shops. As quickly as we looked away to not witness anything it still left me feeling rather spooked!
I walked down to George Square in hopes of sitting to read but it was full of people, go figure! It is a rare heatwave and of course it would be so full!
I wanted to go to the cathedral but I could not remember just where it was and my camera batter turned red.
I had enough. I text Nick to say that I was going home. I didn't even stop at the library on my walk home from the train station. Once I walked through the front door I felt much much better. No regrets. I tried and I managed 20 minutes in town on my own. Maybe just smaller steps next time.
It has been rather hectic and as for today. I just cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more and read. This heatwave has made it too warm to drink endless cups of tea but it is well worth being able to sit out on the patio and enjoy the rarity of the sun in this country!
On one last note .. It is the kindness of everyone here and the comments that have perked me out of my mood today. Just earlier I had a new comment from someone on here and it had sent me into tears and a realisation that one reason for this blog is to be open to others in hopes of increasing awareness and to offer support for other fellow OCD-ers. The more open that we are the better the help that we can receive.