Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Forget Baby Steps, I have done a bunny hop!

Today is Valentines Day, so the calendar, yahoo and all supermarkets say!

Of course I wished my husband a Happy Valentines day after I woke up and realised, oh that is today!
But no, I didn't get him a card or a stuffed teddy bear holding a heart and neither did he get me any of those things. We wont be going out for dinner and no he didn't buy me any jewellery, and if he did I would certainly be disappointed in him for spending money on something I don't tend to wear, and for what I do own it does me just fine when I need to put on a dress and high heeled shoes. I am just a plain Jane and I don't like a fuss being made.

This morning, the usual 6:30 rise and shine and the news being put on for the weather and travel updates the first thing mentioned the moment the sound was up enough for me to hear it, but not that the neighbours would be woken up by the question that was being asked 'What is the secret to a long and happy relationship' ugh, honestly? is what I said. What ever happened to common sense? Treating your spouse how you would like to be treated, yes yes, men are from Mars and women aren't but deep down don't we all want to be treated equally and be loved and shouldn't that be enough? I don't need gifts to know that I am loved and I would no doubt feel suspicious if a gift or flowers were bought for me, especially randomly like when I am not the one picking out a bouquet of something bright and cheery while picking out the weeks worth of ingredients for the meals. No doubt the OCD takes pleasure in making me feel paranoid and suspicious, then again when do I not feel paranoid and suspicious, even of strangers across the street. I think that I would almost rather be the OCD and not the person with OCD because it sounds like the illness itself is having a great time!

I am more thankful and happy for the times where my husband washed the dishes and he is thankful and happy that I have learnt to stop nit picking about the water and soap suds ending up everywhere on the counter tops, the floor and somehow the fridge. That is enough for me and if this Valentines Day he feels like doing the dishes and helping me to prepare dinner that is fab and if he feeds the cat too as I hate touching cat food, well that would be super!

On another note and this is one that I must share, photos and all!

I was searching on line for a bookstore in the West end of Glasgow and I just couldn't put a name to the place let alone the opening hours. I still am yet to find it but instead I found this amazing, breath taking shop with the description that sounds like something out of a dream that I would never want to be woken up from, well, except if the husband was to make a pot of tea. (Tea obsessed, yes.)

This place, this wonderful wonderful place has book cases from the floor to ceiling, filled with books, vintage books, slightly new books and some real treasures to be found. Not only are there the filled to the brim cases but books stacked from the floor to my own height and with only enough room to walk the circuit around the shop! It was heaven and I asked my husband upon finding this shop on line if he would drive me down and check it out and within an hour we set off! It makes me realise just how far that I have come and I am addicted and I must must must return to this place but I am afraid that it will be one of these magical places where it was there once but to never be seen again and that would be heartbreaking! and I am not being over dramatic.
HERE is the link with further information about this truly amazing shop and if you are in the area it is worth checking out! For those who aren't in the area, get your butts over to Scotland immediately or else you will not just risk missing out but because you surely will!

I am already counting the days until Saturday where I plan on going again. This time my husband will hopefully park the car closer to the shop, not that I grudge the 15 minutes it took us to walk there from what we thought was an alright place to park .. not that it wasn't but it turns out there were closer spaces that would have saved us at least 14 minutes and that could have been another 14 minutes spent on looking at all of these books. I will need to take more cash and more reusable carrier bags, being that the books are so so cheap, my 1898 copy of J.M Barrie's A Window In Thrums only set me back £1 where as a copy of PG Wodehouse 2010 hardback The Code of The Woosters was just £2.50 and my last purchase and how that happened that I only took away 3 books is beyond my comprehension! The second volume of the works of Francis Thompson Poems published in if I am correct, 1913 and again, £1 ..

I struggle with touching things, especially along the lines of such used books and yet my enjoyment overcame the worst of the thoughts. Yes, I did wash my hands a lot after touching the books and even when I touch them now that they are in my home I still find myself scrubbing away but that is not just a baby step, that is a bunny hop!


Thursday, 9 February 2012

Hello - It has been a while, I hope that you are all well!

Avoidance is such a silly thing when you think about it. Generally it is for some pretty silly reasons why I avoid things but at the time of avoiding you could not tell me just how silly it is without causing me to go into a fit of tears and panic.

I have avoided many things over the last few weeks and one of these things has been my blog. I just had nothing that I could write about that I felt worth anyone reading. It wasn't even a self pity thing and yet I am wondering just how much it is worth being read already. Instead of stopping where I am and deleting another start to another post I am going to keep on writing Got it OCD, I will not stop because this post is also for me!

I have done my usual over the last few weeks. Doctors appointments and another two trips to the library. Another 2 books read and nearly halfway through another. I started to make plans to go a further distance, this time to the Kelvingrove Art Gallery & Museum, one of my favourite places to spend a day and funny enough I have not been there in well over a year. Well, the thought excited me, I found which bus to take and what time to expect the bus to arrive and well, then it happened. The panic set in and I gave myself a migraine over the thought of it all! It made me give up on the thought of it all but today is another day and another thought... although the thoughts come and go as quickly as my cups of tea each and every day but I realise that what I want to do is something that I need to do and must do,  how else will I ever become independent again?

Life doesn't need to be hard or stressful so why can't I take everything as it comes instead of taking everything out of proportion, out of context and turning into things that have not even happened and when given the time to actually think it through realise that the odds of it happening are the odds of my tea canister running out of bags. Yes, it happens sometimes but it isn't so bad when it happens, so as long as I have more to fill it up ... and if I don't then it is a trip to the supermarket and that solves that. All I am saying is, when a problem does appear ... it doesn't have to be overly frustrating to sort out what needs to be sorted, unless of course you have no energy or  motivation and then of course that becomes a problem and like me, you would need more than a kick up the backside!

On a brighter note I have done something daring, exciting and unbelievable! I bought two tickets for my husband and I to see the comedian Jon Richardson in Glasgow this March and you just would not believe how excited I have been and not a panic attack over it as of yet. I have it marked on the calendar and it is a positive thing to spot on a bad day, that there will be a night in March that I am bursting with laughter because over all, he cracks me up and has got to be one of my favourite comedians, but it is hard to beat Billy Connolly, and it is also very hard to get tickets to one of his gigs!

I may go out today. It is not even mid day yet and the library doesn't open until 12pm. I have 2 books that I could return and a good hour or so of browsing that I would very much enjoy ... but getting out is still some what of a problem. I have been trying since Monday to return to the library, even as far as getting my shoes out just not on. Key in the door sort of ready and yet here I am. Complete and utter madness!