Lately I find it hard to do anything, even the things that I so desperately want to do and now I am trying to put my foot down. I love my blog, I love to write and why should I stop just because I am feeling sorry for myself!
Not that I was intending to stop but if anything my lack of energy and motivation kept my computer from being switched on.
I had a wonderful weekend and even the Monday wasn't so bad. It had been very tiring but I want to share.
My husband and I went out on Saturday night. I had bought the tickets months ago with much much anticipation to see Jon Richardson. I absolutely adore the man and the anticipation throughout Saturday gave me a tummy ache! Not only did we get to see him live but we somehow managed front row centre seats. Yes, I know with being front row there is a chance of being put into the situation of being spoken to during the show and that didn't happen. Not really.
This is how it went - The woman beside me got up to use the loo .. and I was already bursting, with having too many drinks before the show .. the trip to the pub before the venue clearly did me no favours. It was pointed out that she had left for the toilet and the fear had begun that if I were to leave he would too make the face and I would be singled out but in a funny kind of way. Well. I could not wait, I was bursting. Before she even came back I was off and out of the corner of my eye I saw the look on his face and I laughed out loud and shouted to him 'Just 2 minutes' and holding up 2 fingers (in a polite way of course!) 'Just wait, I will be just 2 minutes!' My face was red through complete embarrassment and somehow I put on a smile and laughed and joked and somehow made it to the loo and back in those 2 minutes, or so I hoped!
After the show was finished I was gutted, it was so great that I hardly wanted it to end! I asked my husband if we could wait outside in hopes of catching him on his way out. So badly did I want to meet him and to tell him not to give up on love and to hopefully if he didn't mind, to sign a copy of his book that I took with my just in case.
The place was cleared out and no one was out there afterwards to my surprise! A Saturday night standing around in Glasgow isn't my idea of safe or fun but somehow I had some determination to say and mean it, 10 minutes. Well, he did come out and I spoke to him and he was lovely and so so nice and although it was a quick chat he had signed my book and my husband snapped a photo of us. An experience that had really had an impact on my low and horrible moods! He is such an inspiration, one who I do actually look up to and to meet such an inspiration had given me even an ounce of hope and determination!
As for the Sunday, well. It was a day of rest and with a hangover it was a much needed rest but as I was feeling so great my husband and I went out for a walk early morning along the canal and then during the evening we took a drive and walked along the reservoir that was just a short drive away.
I slept well that night!
As for Monday - oh this is becoming a long updated post!
I had an appointment, with being off of work for so long because of the OCD it was a mandatory thing. I was horrified but my husband took the morning off of work so he could take me there and be there for me. If he was not there I don't think that I could have managed it. The questions felt like an interrogation and I struggled to answer some and when it came down to the self harm I was honest about it, but when asked what I had done I became so upset I had to refuse to answer and the man, he was very nice about it.
After the appointment was over and done with Nick took me out for breakfast and I was to try to stay in city centre for the few hours until he was done work. I did try but as we said our goodbyes outside of his workplace we spotted two men running off with an armful of goods from one of the shops. As quickly as we looked away to not witness anything it still left me feeling rather spooked!
I walked down to George Square in hopes of sitting to read but it was full of people, go figure! It is a rare heatwave and of course it would be so full!
I wanted to go to the cathedral but I could not remember just where it was and my camera batter turned red.
I had enough. I text Nick to say that I was going home. I didn't even stop at the library on my walk home from the train station. Once I walked through the front door I felt much much better. No regrets. I tried and I managed 20 minutes in town on my own. Maybe just smaller steps next time.
It has been rather hectic and as for today. I just cleaned and cleaned and cleaned some more and read. This heatwave has made it too warm to drink endless cups of tea but it is well worth being able to sit out on the patio and enjoy the rarity of the sun in this country!
On one last note .. It is the kindness of everyone here and the comments that have perked me out of my mood today. Just earlier I had a new comment from someone on here and it had sent me into tears and a realisation that one reason for this blog is to be open to others in hopes of increasing awareness and to offer support for other fellow OCD-ers. The more open that we are the better the help that we can receive.
Showing posts with label Jon Richardson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jon Richardson. Show all posts
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Thursday, 9 February 2012
Hello - It has been a while, I hope that you are all well!
Avoidance is such a silly thing when you think about it. Generally it is for some pretty silly reasons why I avoid things but at the time of avoiding you could not tell me just how silly it is without causing me to go into a fit of tears and panic.
I have avoided many things over the last few weeks and one of these things has been my blog. I just had nothing that I could write about that I felt worth anyone reading. It wasn't even a self pity thing and yet I am wondering just how much it is worth being read already. Instead of stopping where I am and deleting another start to another post I am going to keep on writing Got it OCD, I will not stop because this post is also for me!
I have done my usual over the last few weeks. Doctors appointments and another two trips to the library. Another 2 books read and nearly halfway through another. I started to make plans to go a further distance, this time to the Kelvingrove Art Gallery & Museum, one of my favourite places to spend a day and funny enough I have not been there in well over a year. Well, the thought excited me, I found which bus to take and what time to expect the bus to arrive and well, then it happened. The panic set in and I gave myself a migraine over the thought of it all! It made me give up on the thought of it all but today is another day and another thought... although the thoughts come and go as quickly as my cups of tea each and every day but I realise that what I want to do is something that I need to do and must do, how else will I ever become independent again?
Life doesn't need to be hard or stressful so why can't I take everything as it comes instead of taking everything out of proportion, out of context and turning into things that have not even happened and when given the time to actually think it through realise that the odds of it happening are the odds of my tea canister running out of bags. Yes, it happens sometimes but it isn't so bad when it happens, so as long as I have more to fill it up ... and if I don't then it is a trip to the supermarket and that solves that. All I am saying is, when a problem does appear ... it doesn't have to be overly frustrating to sort out what needs to be sorted, unless of course you have no energy or motivation and then of course that becomes a problem and like me, you would need more than a kick up the backside!
On a brighter note I have done something daring, exciting and unbelievable! I bought two tickets for my husband and I to see the comedian Jon Richardson in Glasgow this March and you just would not believe how excited I have been and not a panic attack over it as of yet. I have it marked on the calendar and it is a positive thing to spot on a bad day, that there will be a night in March that I am bursting with laughter because over all, he cracks me up and has got to be one of my favourite comedians, but it is hard to beat Billy Connolly, and it is also very hard to get tickets to one of his gigs!
I may go out today. It is not even mid day yet and the library doesn't open until 12pm. I have 2 books that I could return and a good hour or so of browsing that I would very much enjoy ... but getting out is still some what of a problem. I have been trying since Monday to return to the library, even as far as getting my shoes out just not on. Key in the door sort of ready and yet here I am. Complete and utter madness!
I have avoided many things over the last few weeks and one of these things has been my blog. I just had nothing that I could write about that I felt worth anyone reading. It wasn't even a self pity thing and yet I am wondering just how much it is worth being read already. Instead of stopping where I am and deleting another start to another post I am going to keep on writing Got it OCD, I will not stop because this post is also for me!
I have done my usual over the last few weeks. Doctors appointments and another two trips to the library. Another 2 books read and nearly halfway through another. I started to make plans to go a further distance, this time to the Kelvingrove Art Gallery & Museum, one of my favourite places to spend a day and funny enough I have not been there in well over a year. Well, the thought excited me, I found which bus to take and what time to expect the bus to arrive and well, then it happened. The panic set in and I gave myself a migraine over the thought of it all! It made me give up on the thought of it all but today is another day and another thought... although the thoughts come and go as quickly as my cups of tea each and every day but I realise that what I want to do is something that I need to do and must do, how else will I ever become independent again?
Life doesn't need to be hard or stressful so why can't I take everything as it comes instead of taking everything out of proportion, out of context and turning into things that have not even happened and when given the time to actually think it through realise that the odds of it happening are the odds of my tea canister running out of bags. Yes, it happens sometimes but it isn't so bad when it happens, so as long as I have more to fill it up ... and if I don't then it is a trip to the supermarket and that solves that. All I am saying is, when a problem does appear ... it doesn't have to be overly frustrating to sort out what needs to be sorted, unless of course you have no energy or motivation and then of course that becomes a problem and like me, you would need more than a kick up the backside!
On a brighter note I have done something daring, exciting and unbelievable! I bought two tickets for my husband and I to see the comedian Jon Richardson in Glasgow this March and you just would not believe how excited I have been and not a panic attack over it as of yet. I have it marked on the calendar and it is a positive thing to spot on a bad day, that there will be a night in March that I am bursting with laughter because over all, he cracks me up and has got to be one of my favourite comedians, but it is hard to beat Billy Connolly, and it is also very hard to get tickets to one of his gigs!
I may go out today. It is not even mid day yet and the library doesn't open until 12pm. I have 2 books that I could return and a good hour or so of browsing that I would very much enjoy ... but getting out is still some what of a problem. I have been trying since Monday to return to the library, even as far as getting my shoes out just not on. Key in the door sort of ready and yet here I am. Complete and utter madness!
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