Monday, 11 June 2012

Hello Psychologist - How am I today? You tell me ..

So I seem to be back in my old ways once again, well sort of, and by back I mean I never left.

I had an appointment with a new psychologist just last Friday. Not sure exactly how well it went or if it went well at all. Not too crazy on the idea of seeing another psychologist, at this point I am far too wary of this people and even more so when she suggested that I should have my dose of fluoextine increased. Bah humbug! I don't even want to be on this medication in the first place and that is just what I said but as always they try to push around the subject and in the end they all seem to think drugs is the answer to all, well if that is the case then just give me the fun drugs instead of this boring pill form.

Ah, who am I kidding, even then I would refuse to put anything else into my body other than the many daily cups of tea and a couple of meals each day.

I can live with the crazy symptoms of OCD and I will just need to and I understand that and that there is no actual way around it and even with the help of CBT all I will do in the long run is piss off Mr OCD into giving me panic attacks each and every time I jab it with a stick and tell it No!

What I want more than anything is to just leave the house and be okay with it. I don't care anymore about the hand washing and the checking and the rest of the mundane bull. I just want outside! So then I wonder why is it they all insist on the medication and the CBT. Just strap me onto the back of a bus and drive it away.

I don't know if I am just past caring and if I seemed just that way during the appointment. More than once I left Ms Therapist speechless and the man sitting in on the appointment dumbfounded, or at least looking that way when I glanced over after answering her majs questions. Okay, now I am just getting a little too sarcastic for my own good but how can I help it when they all ask me what I want out of this and all that I can do is shrug my shoulders and tell them that I didn't come here out of my own choice or even ask to and that it was my gp that contacted them out of legal obligation.

Maybe I am just unlucky when it comes to meeting psychologists or maybe they are just unlucky when it comes to them meeting me.